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Blog & Mini-Site... Rambles, ponderings, rants, and nonsense... :+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+: Sunday, March 28, 2004 *yawns, stretches* Well, tis been a while, I know. =^-^= I've been extremely busy with school these days. And so, I must have gained an increase in my stress level by the time this past Friday was over. I was zonked out and dead exhausted. When I woke up the next morning, everything fell off of my bed, that is---my big stuffed bunny and puppy, my rosary, my pillow, and half of my blanket, and a bunch of hangers that were near my bed... I didn't much hear the TV blasting until noon nor did I hear my parents waking up for work... and among other things I didn't hear... And aside from school, I now have to worry about paying for college. That means I have to be on a loan for the time being. I love UST, but why the heck is tuition increasing???? *cry* And on Friday, I went to talk to my advisor what to take for this coming fall semester. After that, I went to the enrollment center to find out that I can't even sign up for next semester's courses until I either pay up the remaining balance on my account or do paper work. And guess what? I have to do more paper work, and I thought I've finished with all of that already!! *sigh* So, here I am---still worrying... still fretting over this stupid issue---and hopefully I can get the classes I want, because I couldn't register yet... =( Seriously, I don't want to take evening courses, because I have other things to do---like taking my siblings home from school and among other things... *sigh* Sometimes, I just wish that I didn't have to go to a private university for my education. That way, I don't have to worry so much about finances... But my parents wanted me to go to a prestigious private Catholic school... Argh. For the moment, I'm working on my Powerpoint presentation about fishes and amphibians for biology... Tis quite stressful, because I have another pile of homework and miscellaneous projects I need to also work on, because deadlines are approaching---way too soon, in fact! This weekend, I finished Maggie Estep's book called Diary of an Emotional Idiot, and the writing style reminds me a lot of Bellow. But other than that, I found this book really amusing to read, because it not only has all of the sexual content, but the crude language and almost a witty sense of humor from a punk-rock type of girl who's high on drugs... Anyway, onto the next subject. Lately, I've been having more dreams of C and my last interest T... I wish I knew what to make of these dreams, but I don't. Truthfully, most of my feelings are still on C, and my heart is that stubborn... I can't seem to love anyone else... But as everyone says, I know that I do have enough on my plate now, and for the most part, I'm not really stressing about it. Sometimes, my dreams just freak me out though. They're always so vivid that they seem to hypnotize me---they have such a gravitational pull on me that I feel that they'll just eat me up and I can't get out of my dreams. I could be stuck there in my dreams forever... Creepy, just creepy. Well, I guess I have a long list of friends to add to MSN and AIM.... hehe... =) Tis quite fun to be acquainted with people from around the world... And of course, it's always been my dream to travel the whole world anyway... =^-^= Next subject: sex. Yeah, I'm now reading Hamlet for the 3rd time already. Remember Hamlet saying that his own mother married his father's brother?? Ewww!! Yeah, so it led to a whole discussion of sex. Come to think of it, sometimes when you talk about a subject in one class, it tends to follow you and continues onto your next class. Weird... That's what happened back in high school... hehe... I'm having little flashbacks here and there... And when I came across all of the sexual content of Estep's book, it made me laugh... And then here I am just browsing through another novel called Love and Hydrogen (by Jim Shepard), when I noticed a quote that says something like this: "The thing about America is that we have all the sex, but not the love that goes with it..." or something along those lines. To me, I think this is particularly true, and that theme is also stated at the end of Estep's book. Most Americans are all sex-crazed and we have a really good appetite for sex, but when it comes to love, geez, look at the statistics of people breaking up, divorced, and among other things... The love isn't there... And people wonder why I'm obsessed with love? Love, to me, doesn't have to be just focused on romantic feelings for a person, it's just the genuine concept of loving that person fully and accepting someone as they are no matter how poor, ugly, or dumb they are... I believe that everyone is capable of love... and kindness... We definitely need to learn that---a whole lot. I don't understand why people can be so cruel at times... *sigh* ...which leads me to one thing... Sometimes, I have no idea I have all of these sexual fantasies of C or dreams of him... But mostly, I craved for just something as simple as a hug---just someone to hold me, let me cry with happiness for once... Hold me until I can no longer breathe or feel anything but happiness... I remember how that used to make me worry less and it acted so much like a stress reliever for me---aside from sleeping... LOL. But really, it helped so much... I don't think everyone or anyone knows that for that matter... Anyway, I'd better get back to work... and this entry, in particular, is somewhat personal and yet well... a bit too long... *grins apologetically* I hope I didn't bore you guys with this entry. Sometimes I feel like I can also be an extremely morbid or a brooding writer... *shrug* Well, I hope everyone's Monday starts off nicely... And ugh, it's so hot and humid now... Blah... *shudder* The only disadvantage about the coming of summer is the weather I particularly detest... // rambled by A~Lotus at 5:04:00 PM Atom Feed :||: Back to the top :+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+: © Kathy Nguyen, 2000-present. All rights reserved, unless if noted otherwise. Back to the top :+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+: Lotus Love... Back to the top :+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+: © Kathy Nguyen, 2000-present. All rights reserved, unless if noted otherwise.