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Rambles, ponderings, rants, and nonsense...
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Wednesday, February 18, 2004
1) Updated Haiku Fever! Added 3 haiku + the layout fits the simplicity of my haiku on there. =)
2) Okay, time for a little personal entry... I'm a bit calmer now, so I guess I can't rant this as much, but well, here goes...
Sunday is right after Val's Day, right? Okay, I was on AIM around 2:30pm and guess what? T. wanted to talk to me... He changed screen names and so I was like, "Who's this?" When he said that it was him, I typed in "Ok" and just left up an away message. To put it short, I was under a lot of pressure lately and didn't feel like talking to him, even if it was impersonal. Yeah, I was hurt. I hate getting into relationships of any sort that has little to no feelings whatsoever. So basically I ignored him for a bit. And besides, I was working on my bio lab notebook and some other stuff for school, which kept me immensely occupied. (And also, you guys knew how busy I was these past few weeks, because I've been having those little bad-moments-scenarios!!)
Anyway, I got on AIM later again that Sunday night around 10:30pm just to do some more last minute conversations with people I haven't talked to or seen for a long time, since they're either away at college or for other miscellaneous reasons... And T. got on again...
T. - hey. plz don't ignore me. (blah, blah) i want us to be friends... (more blah-ness)
Me - sorry, but i'm under a lot of pressure right now... (etc., etc., etc.)
T. - it's not good to keep it inside. u can tell me...
Me - doesn't matter. no matter how much i try to get someone to listen to me or comfort me, doesn't work... and no, you're not the type of person for me to spill my sorrows to (etc., etc.)
And the conversation went like that or so for a while. The truth is, it was a really bad time for him to talk to me anyway. I told him that I was more than frustrated, hurt, and exhausted of everything in life. And he's over here being all sympathetic. Maybe I'm just apathetic, but I don't feel like needing his sympathy. Besides, it's not even a month between us that he's found someone else! I feel like cursing at him---what an @$$h01e he is, etc. But then again, I couldn't care any less. It kinda makes me sad how people can take advantage of you or treat you as if you're not worth anything. It makes me even sadder to know that one cannot give others (ME!!) a chance. It makes me twice as sad to know that people like him are just plain shallow maybe? I don't know. They play around with other people's hearts, and I stand as a protector of love itself. At times, it makes me angry that these people can be so cruel. And it's a good thing I'm writing this little entry now, because if I've written last time, it won't be pretty.
Sure, friendship should come around when I'm ready to. But for now, I rather just let that go and let things for me cool off a bit when I'm not being too moody. *shakes head* Seriously, I may be closed-minded when it comes to love, but I stand firm when I see people hurting because of that.
I know I'm always worth something, because there are people out there who need me for support. And I'm more than thrilled to be a part of their lives. And it's kinda funny how some of these little online quizzes can almost accurately describe how you are, especially the ones from Similar Minds. Anyway, I always accept friendship, but this is hard for me, when you do learn to care about someone and be willing to sacrifice things for them.
For now, I'm calm. I'm going slow, flowing with Time. Love is set at the back of the little wee corners of my mind. If I'm ready, I'll push it forward, but now, I'm just going to let it stay there, stagnant. I'll let Love come find me and teach me. Otherwise, I'll just teach others the real meaning of love.
...Sometimes, I feel like I'm 3/4 of a feminist... Sometimes, I hate showing my weaknesses, but I do find that tears are a natural cleanser to alleviate any situation, even when I'm angry, I just cry. *shrug*
And another thing, I find it very awkward for T. just to come up and message me right after Val's Day... Hmmm...
Signing off for now (unless if I decide to post more online quizzes!! =P )
// rambled by A~Lotus at 3:19:00 PM
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© Kathy Nguyen, 2000-present.All rights reserved, unless if noted otherwise.
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All rights reserved, unless if noted otherwise.
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