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Rambles, ponderings, rants, and nonsense...
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Friday, January 09, 2004
I don’t know why, but sometimes it feels like I always end up sacrificing my own happiness for others. I can’t help it, but when I do care about someone, it just happens to be that way. . . And it has been that way for a very long time. . .
Sometimes I feel like I have to be mad at the whole world, but I can’t seem to find the anger in me to be mad at anyone (with the exception of my siblings). *sigh* I don’t know what else to do, but to hide and swallow my own tears, and all I can do is cry forever in my heart. Maybe it’s stupid or maybe I’m stupid, but sometimes I forget how to be angry or aggressive. . .
And sometimes I feel like I should isolate myself from the whole world, too. No one needs me, and it’s better if I don’t exist. I deserve nothing. When it seems like I can be happy once again, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I get scared that my happiness can’t last forever, but only temporarily. Then, I’m lost in another round of depression or stress or sickness. *cry*
Is something wrong with me? I feel like there has to be something, but I don’t know what.
Besides that, another painful headache and fever broke out last night, and I couldn’t sleep. I feel awful all over again. Aside from that, my nose is still stuffy, but at least I have a bit more of my voice back. Now, I’m just dizzy, but wide awake, and I know I need rest, but I can’t sleep.
I just need someone to hold me now, but I guess I have no one . . . now.
// rambled by A~Lotus at 12:22:00 PM
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© Kathy Nguyen, 2000-present.All rights reserved, unless if noted otherwise.
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Lotus Love...
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© Kathy Nguyen, 2000-present.
All rights reserved, unless if noted otherwise.
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